Thank You Falettinme Be Mice Elf

"Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office."

Think on this!!!--> Is there such a thing as car karma? To help find the answer we will first see a brief educational film. Start the projector Ralph.
This film is brought to you by the letter "P" and the number 47.


"Okay doc, give it to me straight... how long does she have?"

-"Weeeell, sad to say its not looking too good right now. At this juncture, I'd say shes probably got three to six thousand miles left, give or take a few. Maybe longer if you drive real slow and give her some TLC."

{sob, sob, sound of nose being obnoxiously blown} "I feel like I'm to blame!! I forced her to go back and forth to Bloomington all those times... I drove too fast on the interstate... I never gave her premium... I... I..."

-"Whoa there!! Listen here, there's nothing you could have done different, she just getting old and you need to move on. Now I do have to ask, have you made any arrangements? Located a junkyard? Found a new car? Put aside any money? You need to start thinking about these things you know."

{pathetic sniffle, sniffle}"This is all too much. I just graduated from college and I don't even come close to making ten dollars an hour. I thought this car would be a good investment, but now it's dying on me and leaving me in the lurch!! Whatever shall I do?"
THE END
(Cue dramatic, slightly out of tune music)

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let me delve deeper into this question of car karma. I do believe that if there is such a thing as car karma than it sucks. It sucks real bad. How many people do you see driving around in Hummers, BMWs, or other really nice cars that drive very defensively, always give the right of way, and have a generally "give peace a chance" type of driving style? I don't know about you but I have seen a whopping ZERO!!! This is not to say that all people who drive like the idiot spawn of Satan have nice cars, but the overwhelming majority of crazy shit that I have seen people do while driving has been done by people with really nice cars. Personally, if I was driving a vehicle that cost more than a nice two bedroom home, I would at least make an attempt to drive safely. I can't help but feel that there should be some sort cosmic balance to all of this. Why do good people have to drive bad cars? Can't we go to the mall without having to suffer the insane god complex of that woman in the Lincoln Navigator? Is it really true that most new luxury automobiles are being made without turn signals? When you purchase a Mercedes do you have to sign a paper stating that you will never let anyone over when they are trying to merge onto the interstate? Were these people forced to drive crappy cars in their past lives? I don't know the answers to these questions. I only know that when I'm basking in the glow of my "check engine" light and listening to the soothing thonkathonkathonka noise my heater makes, I cant help but wonder if in my next life I will be the crazy lady in the Lexus SUV threatening to ram your car if you don't turn right on red.

Don't miss tomorrows exciting episode:
"Driving Miss Crazy" or "You Can't Teach an Old Car New Tricks"